DAYYYYUUMMNNNN. There are so many “free food days” across the country, I’m seriously considering giving up writing for Thrive and going on a road trip. I broke a sweat just researching these grub freebies: not only are there more than I imagined, but the area of “free food” seems to be very controversial. Is it really free if you have to spend time getting it? And I don’t mean time like bring a comic book to read, I mean time like bring Les Miserables to read.

But once a year certain places will offer a free item, and if you’re willing to weather obscenely long lines and inclement conditions (snow, tornadoes, locusts, you get the idea…), then you get the longer end of the stick: free food! Of course you have to know your stuff. It’s a rumor mill out there and you need to know the real when, where and what. If you randomly show up at a Wendy’s demanding a free double bacon with cheese not only would you be wrong, but you would be considered weird. Congrats. Lucky for you, I did spend more than 4 seconds fact checking a number of free food days, so release your Freudian insecurities for a moment and trust me on this. Hey, it’s the cheapest eats you’ll find.

1. Ahhh, looking for something refreshing? How about an iced coffee? How about for nothing? Stroll into almost any Dunkin’ Donuts on May 15 and you’ll get a free, small iced coffee. I did this last year, got caramel in it…it’s good stuff.
2. Can you believe not one but two places are offering free ice cream? Coldstone Creamery just got a bit more creamier…or coldstoner. They’re giving away 3 oz of lovely ice cream to each customer on September 25 between the hours of 5-8 PM. Not to be outdone by their singing competitors, Ben & Jerry’s has what they call their “Free Cone Day” on April 27. And to reward you for voting, they’re also giving away free scoops on November 4, 2008. All you have to do is show up with either your “I voted” sticker, a picture of you strategically near a polling booth or do the “I voted dance”. No idea what that would look like so do yourself a favor and get the sticker.
3. Diabetics beware! April 15th is Subway’s Free Cookie Day (how they come up with these highly original titles is beyond me). Take your pick from Chocolate Chip, Oatmeal Raisin, Peanut Butter, Sugar, Macadamia Nut, Chocolate Chunk, and Heart Attack.
4. 7-11 is offering a free slurpee on June… wait for it… wait for it……… 11th. They say that although they’re giving them out at no cost, June 11 is still the day they sell the most slurpees. Oh, and those artificial chemicals and ambiguously unnatural colors are “potentially addictive”.
5. Have you ever heard of Hot-Dog-On-A-Stick? Me neither. But West Coasters and Floridians should take advantage of June 13 because between 5-8 PM, Hot-Dog-On-A-Stick is bestowing a gift of one beautiful and free hot dog to each of their customers.
6. Chipotle is awesome. And they’re absurdly awesome on Halloween (October 31, for all of you who were denied the joys of trick-or-treating on this sacred day), when they’re offering a free burrito for anyone who shows up wearing tin foil on their body, to pair with the burrito’s foil. You can always kill two birds with one stone, dress up as the tin man for Halloween and score a free burrito.
7. I saved my favorite for last. Chik-Fil-A on their annual “Cow Appreciation Day” (July 13) will give away a meal combo (breakfast, lunch or dinner) to anyone brave or stupid enough to dress like a cow. Hm, somehow the image of a standing cow chomping on a chicken sandwich is strangely disturbing but by all means, be courageous for your free food!